Membership: Brotherhood/Bounty Hunters/Post Office/Presidents Men/Kings Men/Crystal Dragons/Santa Fe
Apparent Age: 30+
Archetype: Cybered Gunslinger Adept: Circle Unknown and considered extremely high……..(Bend Over and Kiss Your Ass Goodbye!!)
Preferred Weapon: Custom Hellfire Assault Pistol
BIO: Well for the starters let me give a huge shout out to my guild the “Winters Haunting!” we are the legends, and we are the champions of “Evermore”, we all owe of success to our newly elected guild leader Silver Sword for bringing “Winters Haunting to Number One Status…..We will dominate everyone and we are the real ass kicking legends out there……not these runners and “Demons” that Silver Sword and Clockwork Gnome are running there mouths about. Every video file has been a Rickey Roll and without video or photographic evidence it never happened…..ya well that’s what I was saying the other day as Clockwork was spouting off about Eddie, Addie, Wendell and Wesley being some sort of super human fighting squad or Silver Sword screaming about Jedi and Mandalorians being real…..Ya I was very skeptical and seeing Silver Sword is kind of one of those imaginative dreamer kinds that is a super nerd and just loves these runners and damn near worships the ground they walk on…..ya me I am more into the X Game and Blood Sport Athletes now that’s the real deal! Those are real pro’s not these “Runners” that couldn’t survive one quarter in Blood Bowl or even one period in Xtreme Blood Hockey……..Ya right the Pale Rider would get creamed, Darth Miasma would be splattered and Stomper would be dismembered with ease by my heroes within the Cleveland Choppers the #1 Xtreme Blood Team in the World!!!
Your telling me some stuffy Brits like Eddie, or washed up old hacks like Inspector Gadget and Candyman can survive one round in the Wonderful World Of Pro Wrestling League…..Hell the Iron Man would pound that entire list into dust…..he lasted over 60 minutes within the Inferno Cell taking on 8 other former champions, now that’s a real warrior not some washed up old former president like the Invincible One…….seriously Taylor Greenspan should be #1 on that list as he can hand all of them their asses for lunch; he is a Xtreme Blood League World Champion! Okay lets get down to business here, it seems someone must really like our guild as I just received this disc from a “Friend” and it included some additional information about some 1/2 Asian bitch named Defrag and this “Friend” wants me to watch the disc, read the report and prepare an article for the Shadow Wiki……..well what do I look like a reporter! I am a star quarterback, I am varsity lettered athlete in multiple sports……I am not a nerd, ya I game but who doesn’t in there spare time; well seeing I could use some bonus shit for my college transcript I will give it a shot.
Yo Greenspan if you read this hook a brother up with an autograph…..huge fan man! Okay here we go, this seems to be a bio about some bitch named Defrag and how she emerged on the scene as a premiere assassin and something called a Eraser. Well with a dumb handle like Defrag I would think she would be a total nerd, I mean Defrag doesn’t sound scary and that blue hair is so ghetto….it’s over played on the streets of Seattle, and hell don’t little old ladies have blue hair as well. Okay it says here that she is the daughter of Maxwell Irving and some Vietnamese farmers daughter that he had a fling with back in Nam…..Hell even I know that was a real long time ago; fuck this bitch is old, like her blue hair makes sense now.
She works for multiple special government orders and acts as the cleanser, the ever reaching hand of the directors and leaders of the UCAS and UK governments; she works alongside Stomper, Corkscrew, Darth Miasma, Eddie and the Pale Rider……she serves inside the Hawaiian Chapter of the Crystal Dragons and seriously handed the Black Dragons there ass, while she worked for the Hawaiian Peoples Republic Secret Service. This wench was the direct guard of President Butler and it seems that I was right about that old faggot needing to be protected by a wench……seriously no women is as good as a man, and especially a half Asian…..don’t shoot the messenger here, I am just writing the article I was told too, now according to my old man the women’s place is in the kitchen and at the home…..So Reggie Irving needs to find herself a good dude to serve and be his girl, not out there trying to be a man.
Hell even my chick agrees with me, she is here looking over the pictures and shit and she even thinks this Reggie chick is a total pussy and her kid sister could kick her ass. The report here states that Reggie is a Grandmaster Kingsmen of the Highest Regard and Highest Honour and serves within the Royal Assassin corps…..ya more uptight, prissy British bitches; we kicked your ass in the Revolution…..America!! She serves within the Presidents Men Shadow Corps; hell she is a women not a man how can she even be in those orders….Ain’t that right honey, ya my girl agrees, bitch go and get me a potpie and some Double Cherry Jolta……I said now bitch! Okay now while the girl is properly serving her man, I can get down to writing this article and checking out this video.
Seriously whoever this “Friend” is can really kiss my ass, they are interfering with my free time; but since I need some more work on my transcript seeing I either graduate this year or I am kicked out….and no college will take me……my old man wants me to go to school, me I just want to leave this shit hole of a town and join the Blood Leagues, and prove to the world how tough I really am. Okay it says here that Reggie has been trained by the USMC and is a retired Marine Captain that is a fully trained Navy Seal, Force Recon, and Army Ranger Airborne…….well that’s something I can get behind, only real bad ass bitches can handle that level of training; my grandpa is a Marine and he said that combat marines are to be feared and respected and special forces ones are to be avoided at all costs as they are a rare breed of True Bad Asses and if this is real than this bitch is one bad ass bitch, I will have to ask Pops about her and if he knew of this chick.
Okay as it goes on she is a combat veteran of the FIP and fought within Grenada, Congo, Desert Storm, War in Afghanistan and Iraq….she as well served within Royal Marine Corps after being discharged from the USMC do to injury; it says here that she was in a combat action in Iraq and during a engagement with terrorists she was shot to shit and her legs where basically destroyed when she got hit by an IED and yet she still managed to fight through the pain and suffering……ya okay these FIP are seriously fucked up, I might have been wrong about this one. She survived three days of intense fighting having been shot to hell, most of the flesh and muscle in her legs fragged and shredding……she managed to survive three days like that, okay maybe my chick would get her ass kicked by Reggie.
Once she was found by the Army Corps of Engineers she was on deaths door and taken to a medical unit to basically die and be sent home in a bag, well that’s what I would think….hell most of this is way above my head, I never took anatomy and failed Biology three times. It says here that when she walked out of the medical unit…..how the fuck did she walk out, that she simply wasn’t done with kicking ass and just signed up with the English; okay correction, she was forced into the British military, it says here that General Huckabee of the UK United Nations (UN) simply forced her into service stating that she was to serve in place of her father…….She is FIP like her father before her and the government doesn’t want him currently and she was to be his replacement. Well this doesn’t seem good…..I guess the FIP weren’t a volunteer force and they just got shit on, well it states that Reggie would go onto to fight within the War of 2018 where she would be one of the lucky ones to survive the gassing attacks of the Battle for London…..General Huckabee would state that Captain Irving would perish and she was not part of the UK force….no he would claim that she was one of the ill-fated 82nd Airborne, and than never pay her father or family her death bennies or combat pay…..what a bastard!
Though according to this she was found by another survivor of the Battle of London a man named Bailey Georgetown….hey that’s Inspector Gadget, it is said he found her within the English Countryside trying to patch herself back up and trying to simply survive; it says here that Baily who also was a survivor of the conflict would spend time aiding Reggie and the two would make there way back to the city to find the US Army Corps of Engineers who would simply rush them off to a medical camp to be treated…..well that’s where it ends about her military time, it states that she would end up returning to America and would go to work for the CIA and eventually the NSA; it as well states that she would become a serious thorn in the sides of all those that stood in the way of Wilhuff Palpatine….Not Kevin Mitchell whatever that means, she would go onto to work for the Post Office, and join the Railroad aiding the Southwest Chapter, it also states that she fought with the 67th Stormrider’s and would see action in Denver, Texas, and Santa Fe as well the liberation of Phoenix……She would as well be a key player in the Hawaiian Citizens Uprising; this bitch was busy and she really is one bad ass.
It states here that she is highly trained in all weapons of man and beast, multiple forms of martial arts, physics, computers, stealth and engineering as well as stealth; one can assume that she has a lightsaber seeing she is one of those “Presidents Men” and they all like that shiny space laser sword. Now as for the rest of the bio report well it’s basically more of the same, Reggie is on quest to restore her and her father’s honor, she is on a quest to tear down the Nazi threat, she is force to be reckoned with and is one of the main obstacles standing in the way of the Neon Church. So I am going to simply ignore that boring shit and get onto the next part and that’s the video…….
Okay let me boot up the other screen here and put this disc in the drive and hope everything is updated……..okay it’s loading, where the hell is my girl with my fucking potpie and cola! Okay well this is weird, its starting somewhere in a blasted to hell wasteland looking place……..no landmarks to determine location just a wrecked highway, orange and brown skies and it seems cold as there is simply steam rising from her breath. She is walking down the highway with another man….they are both wearing long sleeveless dusters, they have this weird radio device strapped on their arms and wearing breath masks and black gloves……..she still has those dorky blue shades on while the other man an older gent is wearing normal glasses. As the camera pans up kind of giving a birds eye view from the behind I can see two very odd American flags on their backs with the numbers 4 on the back of the old man and 30 on the back of Reggie……wait I know that voice that’s Eddie, this is not in England as it’s not raining; though it’s dreary enough to the UK.
Though I can clearly see the old highway sign for Rt 66 bent over and rusted to hell as they walk……ya shit looks like it’s out of one of those “End of the World” movies or games; totally creepy shit, as they just walk off into the rising sun so the must be heading east. There gear looks all sorts of weird and old fashioned, minus those breath masks and that arm computer thingy, okay this is kind off boring……let me wait what’s that, okay shit looks like it’s about to get real as I can see at least two dozen men in power armor…..ya this jock knows what that shit is, I watch movies! They have serious firepower on them and they are blocking the road, okay that’s where this shit gets real weird real fast…..the two just look at each other and type something into those computers and draw weird looking rifles that have native feathers hanging off the barrel and stock; I can make out an engraving on the stocks “Medicine Stick” from down the road the metal men can be heard barking orders to Eddie and Reggie….”Couriers Number 4 and Number 30, lay down your arms and surrender to the Brotherhood of Steel, for you are wanted for murder, possession of Old World Technology, and Suspected of being communists.” (Fuck Communists!!) well they respond with “I think your mistaken you overgrown tin cans, your armor will make for a good scrap trade at Neon City.” (Ouch…..ya it seems the Brotherhood of Steel didn’t take kindly to those retorts.)
Also where the hell is Neon City……Girl I need my drink and potpie and your missing this shit, it’s about to get real……this is better than any big budget vid at the triplex! Okay I am going to pause this shit here till she gets back, she is sort of slow and I don’t want to have to keep pausing to answer her questions…..so actually let me just rewind and replay once she gets back with my food. Okay now the girls back, I can eat while she gets caught up; ya I told you this is going to get good, right now it’s very Mad Max like and it’s going to speed up…..hey you ever here of a Neon City honey? Okay now where back to where we left off and I am full, she does make a hell off a potpie and I got my double cherry so lets pick up where we left off.
After Eddie and Reggie insult the BOS (I am just going to shorten it to BOS for time) all hell breaks loose, the metal men start shooting these really cool energy guns at the two couriers……You can see them look at each other and they just jump into the air; like everything slows the fuck down and “Bullet Time” is engaged, they do some crazy side flipping and rapid firing those medicine sticks at the BOS…..you would think that their power armor would simple absorb the rounds and do nothing, but you would be very wrong; there shots are targeted and well placed into the visors of their helmets……(also where is that music coming from), one down, two down, three down, four down before they even land and than everything speeds back up real quick like and the two simply tear ass off in opposite directions…..for fucks sake they are charging the power armor dudes; that’s fucking crazy, seriously you can see plasma and lasers exploding all around them and somehow they simply dodge all the attacks….how can you dodge light!! The BOS can be heard barking “Get into formation”, “Keep them busy”, “Don’t let them pierce the line” and the BOS keeps pelting them with fire…….For fucks sake Eddie takes a direct hit multiple times to his leg, and chest and one laser nearly takes his arm off…..he just pulls out a weird looking needle and injects himself a few times and pops some sort of medication. The same happens to Reggie and she just repeats what Eddie does and they both speed type something into those computers and start returning fire with those Medicine Sticks……how is a bolt action rifle firing that fast and how is doing anything to those power armored dudes!
By the time the two clear the distance they have killed a twelve of the BOS, I mean they lite those fuckers up……seriously if this is actually real, what the fuck! The Brotherhood seems spooked that they haven’t killed them yet and they have closed in on them…..at this point Reggie slings her Medicine Stick once again and deploys these nasty looking wolvers that have chainsaw blades on them…..(Now that’s a can opener), and Eddie just deploys this awesome chain with a barbed spike on it….it flies out of his arm and buries deep into one of the BOS, he than does something and that chain starts recalling back to him and pulling the metal man towards him; Reggie once again jumps straight up into the air…..”Bullet Time” engaged again and she lifts her arms and shots these nasty blue darts that come from what looks like thin air and pelt the brotherhood…….two of the metal dudes simply turn to slag when they are hit and than she lets loose this optic blast from her blue shades and frags another one fast and hard!
Eddie pulls his towards him and as it gets within arms reach the barbed hook thing flies back into Eddie’s arm and he simply punches the BOS straight into the breast plate, you can see blood explode from Eddies hand as it seriously crushes through the armor plate like it was rice paper…..and out comes the heart!!! Oh shit, I shouldn’t have eaten……he just tore the fuckers heart out! Without even missing a beat he is up in the air with serious vapor trails behind him as he goes up and does the same thing as he goes back down…..he clears the distance in a flash, but you can see weird chemtrail affect going on as he slams into another one with his foot putting it through the armor plate and it comes out the other side….he than does a quick kip off the falling body to free his foot and kicks the fuckers head clean off!
Reggie lands and charges still in this cool “Bullet Time” mode thingy and as she clears the distance she slams her chainsaw wolvers into one to the BOS and you see sparks and blood flying everywhere….you can here the bloody screams as she impales the dude with those wolvers…..another BOS shoots at her with a weird looking laser riffle and in a blink she flashes her hand and the beam hits her palm and is seriously refracted….(Ya I know that word) back at the guy who shot at her, She than tears the chainsaw wolvers up and out of the dude she impaled and there is blood and gore everywhere as the guy basically explodes.
Reggie than does some cool ass flip shit and lands on the guy who shot himself, she has her crotch in his face and her legs wrapped around the neck…..she just goes into a back bend handstand thing and (Man I should have paid more attention in gym class during gymnastics, my girl is loving it though), were she simply throws the dude by his neck at the others……you can hear the snapping of the guys neck; though that isn’t what kills him, it’s the missing head that is still between her legs as the headless body flies towards it’s friends. Okay they have now killed 18 of the BOS 12 in the start of this and 6 more once it got to melee…..ya I can now understand why the BOS didn’t want them to get close; for Fuck’s sake this is intense, I can see that the BOS is hitting Eddie and Reggie but they are ignoring it…..seriously who ignores being shot with plasma and lasers, not to mention being slashed up!
The two couriers now make there way back to each other and everything once again speeds back up super fast…..that part is getting very disorientating, they start dispatching enemies with there bare hands……and well the chainsaw wolvers; though honestly I don’t think Reggie actually needs them, two more go down in a flash as Eddie simply karate chops one on the side of the helmet and you can see the skull explode in the visor as Reggie punches through one with her not wolver hand and here it comes………close your eyes honey, she tears out the fuckers spine; okay didn’t see that coming and that’s gross (okay maybe I shouldn’t have eaten before this.) Well that means there is four left, at this point two of the BOS who appear to be in command start to retreat but Reggie doesn’t like that as she does another “Bullet Time” flip and lands in front of them blocking there path…..and this is where she starts to get her ass kicked but at the same time holding off the two officers.
Eddie Spear hooks another and yanks the poor bastard towards him, while the other returns fire on Eddie….he gets lit the fuck up and almost goes down before Reggie lends aid with another cobalt blue optic blast sending the BOS to the oblivion in a million pieces; Eddie than quickly dispatches the one on his hook chain with a powerful spin kick followed by a quick draw of a revolver from his hip straight to the BOS’s skull mind you this is in “Bullet Time” once it speeds back up the BOS that Eddie kicked from where he was hit the armor explodes out with gore and body parts and the head just explodes like it was shot with a very big gun not a revolver.
Reggie at this point is not looking to hot as the officers used her momentary distraction to open a can of whoop ass on her and try to end her life……that’s when Eddie is once again on top of them and “Bullet Time” mode is active again. Eddie looks at Reggie and they both nod as they drop into some weird stance and I am not sure what’s going on as shit starts moving stupid fast…..I need to slow it down and even then I can barley make out what’s going on, suddenly Eddie is up in the air and launching that chain thing again at the commander and Reggie springs forward with a knife in her hand towards the other officer…..she has put away the chainsaw wolvers at this point; The commander is suddenly lifted off the ground and flying at speed towards Eddie while Reggie launches like a rocket at the other one and well you can hear the sound of steel crashing against steel as Reggie lands behind her dance partner……when the smoke clears he just falls into four pieces; she seriously cut the shit out of the bastard and quick; with a fucking knife; ya it’s fucking gross to as all the meat and gore just slide out of the armor bits and litter the ground.
Now in the air everything just seems to go at a snails pace as as Eddie releases the chain hook back into his arm and thrusts that same arm towards the flying commander, than everything speeds back up and you can hear a loud crack as Eddies hand just stops the BOS commander dead in his tracks but the armor keeps going and all that’s left in Eddies hand is the skeleton with the meat and gore still clinging to the bone……but the armor, flesh and most of the muscle flying past him…..how the fuck did he turn that BOS inside out and no I don’t need that question answered; Eddie than slams to the ground with the still fucking living officer, he pushes his hand forward and than back out quick like with the still beating heart in his hand……he than says to the officer “This is where you can die now, you have my permission Yankee” and no shit the BOS officer just collapses and Eddie simply throws the heart down on the ground and it explodes…..He looks at Reggie and says “Disgusting work isn’t it, and I hate getting fascist on my under my nails.” Reggie just retorts “Well try getting it off your boots.” they laugh and begin to inject themselves with more medication and pop pills…..
They than start scavenging up the scrap and supplies, stating that Neon City will give a good cap for this crap and don’t forget the smash the holotags…..next stop Neon City and than the prize, what the hell is the prize and where is this Neon City; they load up the haul into the BOS’s own cart, the smash the holotags and torch the bodies leaving nothing for the scavengers as well making sure the cooking meat lures any Rad Beast as they put it away from the direction they are heading……..again what’s the prize?
Well the video ends with the two couriers limping off into the what one can only think is a rising sun…..it’s weird as if it’s not light but not dark, well the walk down old highway 66 and into history of the Couriers War…..Well that was something and holy shit, if that’s real I need to rethink my position on everything as Reggie is a real bad ass and Eddie is terrifying but so is Reggie, I will have to ask Silver Sword about this and seriously what the hell did I just watch……..okay time for game Clockwork is ringing in.