Membership: Texas Elite/Bounty Hunters
Apparent Age: 70+
Archetype: Gunslinger Adept: Circle Unknown (Shoot yourself it’s simpler)
Preferred Weapon: Ronin Devils Thunder 6.66 Magnum Hell’s Opus Combat Pistol mach 7 (modified)
Bio: Ye Ha…..Well I guess you idiots thought this old Texan couldn’t operate a computer let alone be literate, well we in the Lone Star State are full of surprises. Before the damned nancy boys get their hands on this page I will put pen to paper and tell you a little bit about the man they call the Rattlesnake….yup I am as mean as a rattler!
Well where to start in my very long life, well first and foremost I am the elder of the Dumont family and that means Cotton Dumont is my boy, yup the Rattlesnake had himself a son and one that I damned proud of….even though he became a police officer, everyone is allowed one mistake just poking fun at you boy. Now my Grandson Jackson, damn boy you make an old man proud and keep giving them hell and remember Texas courses through your blood no matter what anyone tells you boy.
Now thats out of the way….No Radar is a northern Dumont and not one of my kin, so stop assuming you city slickers, surnames are not always connected. As for good old Rattlesnake here, well first off I am as old as dirt and remember when Texas was simply….well I will leave that out. I am a land owner and rancher here in Texas, I have myself a few thousand head of cattle and own a few black gold fields and yes I don’t dress like them city slickers all suited up and forgetting what I real days work feels like. I am a veteran of the Southwest Uprising and fought with my brothers in the Texas First against them redskins, I as well served and fought in the Civil War driving my bayonet into them Yankee bastards skulls and chests.
I am not going to bore you with details about my wounds and injuries, I fought in multiple wars….so yes I was injured and yes that shit happens. It’s simply how you handle it after that makes you a man or a nancy and I have simply accepted it and carry on, if anyone thinks age has slowed down the rattlesnake I dare you to come at me. Most of my day is spent tending to my ranch and to my business though I have a passion and thats making bad guys pay the ultimate price for their sins. I mean I am friends with some real bastards but anyone that salutes the UCAS flag, swears loyalties to Free Bird or is a Daisy Eater Lover well they are just not worth sharing the same air as me and death is the only cure for stupidity.
I joined up with the Bounty Hunters to quell my boredom of my hum drum life and well I like getting paid to kill those folks that are part of the problem and not part of the solution. So best don’t become problem and you wont cross paths with the Rattlesnake, now I learned that I am damned good at my job and seeing my ranch can run itself that gives me plenty of time to hunt ass hats and put them into the ground. I have been all over this country and buried every clown I have crossed paths with, so if any of you are easily offended or way to sensitive best get out of my way as I don’t have time for you nancy boys and your pocket full of tissues. A real man understands that sometimes someone needs to die and if they are an elf well they where born to die, the UCAS is over and I am proud to now that I was part of driving home some of them coffin nails into its lid.
I have brought many to justice with the barrel of my gun and became General Oliver’s go to man for getting shit done, sometimes it takes a real cancerous bastard to do Gods work and to that I say Hell Yeah! I am a cowboy, outlaw,rancher and bounty hunter so I am the real deal so if you want to test my iron come at me pussy boys. I have been part of the Texas First since I was a young wiper snapper and once the Texas Elite formed I was the first to sign on the dotted line, hell just give me a legal reason to shoot a mother fucker that talks smack about Texas….where do I sign!
They call me the rattlesnake cause I am as mean as a rattler and my draw is lightning fast, I am as dangerous as a viper and can strike out of no where so be warned all you fancy nancy boys out there, so again I have officially warned you that Colonel Dumont is more than a meets the eye and I ain’t no tenderfoot like Anthony DiCane…..just ribbing you there Tic Tac. Now as for my buddies, well the Rattlesnake likes to surround himself with like minded folks and people that aren’t afraid of chugging a beer or slinging some lead. I am close friends with Adolf Ackerman…hell I took in his boy Ilesh and helped him readjust to life outside the native lands and that boy ended up proving his worth when he lead the charge into Arizona to rescue his pop from the rope….showed this Texan that not all redskins are bad.
Ilesh ended up marrying my daughter Barbra and gave me a whole litter of grand babies so, this old man is a proud of his half breeds and if anyone dares to say a word in the negative I will show you the business end of my fist. The DiCane family well they are city slickers pretending to be cow folk but their Grandpappy Arlen might be a fancy dresser but he is a real gunslinger and we have allot in common. I used to come by their ranch many a time, seeing the are my neighbour well that was till Michael went soft and told good old Colonel Houston that he was no longer welcome…..well sorry Renegade I was teaching your boy how to be a real Cowboy, hey Tic Tac look up old Uncle Houston when you get a free moment…I ain’t all that bad.
The Yates and Meisners well for Jews they are good folk and good old Saul is a close friend of mine so I got to see that dysfunctional clan operate….can say they do know how to eat! This old Texan got to visit the Emerald City and put on his fancy church duds when I went to a Jewish coming of age ceremony for Saul’s little nephew….hell I ain’t going to try to spell that Hebrew word. So yes them Yates and Meisners are good people in my book, though keep your check book at home when dealing with Tudor….that man is as slick as a used car salesman.
The Palpatines well you don’t live as long as I have without coming across the Horseman and there craziness, Wilhuff, Alva and Ben are good people…Dover will chat your ear off, though thats what you get from a Virginian and Elmer is just as grumpy as I am and we speak the same language nods, grumbles and grunts. Them Gunners well they are family nough said about them, in my book family comes first, Texas second and than America so if you are family you are number one in my book and when you are the Mayor well nough said. Jamestowns see family and thats all I am going to say about them, love’em all and Rummy well whats there not to love about that cranky old son of a bitch.
There are many others that I consider friends and everyone that fought in the Southwest Uprising and Inishmore Invasion is family to me as we are brothers of chlorine. Though I learned that I have yet another tenderfoot in my family and thats why I am now in Seattle, never thought I would find myself living in the big city, as I am not a fancy pants and someone that is adjusted to city living, though Seattle is a whole lot like the Wild West and killing is not frowned on…hell it’s encouraged and for that I am grateful.
I figured while I was in Seattle I might as well join up with them folk in the US Elite and seeing I am Colonel in the Texas First, they could use some down home leadership and a realist to grab the reigns. These wiper snapper cadets haven’t had the real world kick them in the balls yet and well thats just what I will do, show these diaper wearing idiots just what the real world is like and what it means to be a solider and a real man. I mean no disrespect to the current chain of command and I have a great deal of respect for the Missouri born General and his second being well an in-law. After that they are all fancy pants city slickers, now my Texas brothers Seattle has softened you and I am looking right at you Arthur Crane…..It’s okay Cranky Crane Uncle Houston is here to remind you off your Texas roots, put the suit away and keep the hat.
So in a nutshell this Texan can write, read and type…you might not like they way I talk but hell I don’t like you either so where even. I have my reasons for why I hate what I hate and like what I like. Mayor might dress all fancy but hell he’s a politician and thats in the bylaws for them, I don my fancy church dress on Sundays but other than that I don’t wear that corporate leash around my neck. Mayor and I will be supplying the Elite with fresh beef and beef products to put some hair on the chests of them soy eating city boys that call themselves cadets…..I still laugh thinking of some Yankee trying to figure out how to fire a rifle let alone field dress a deer or filet a trout. We will have to work on the wilderness skills that you call survival training and I call Friday.
This is a shout out to Mr. Missouri the Rattlesnake is going to need a place to hang his hat while in Seattle, so I am throwing this out there if you got room for one more; how about extended an invitation to a friend in low places. I am looking to join up with you Harbingers as I need to keep a very close eye on your newest tenderfoot and try to turn him into a real man….now if he can frustrate the Virginian gentleman I am not sure how long this cancerous old Texan will last before I knee cap him…..though I don’t kill those I like or family, but maiming is not out of the equation, whats a good knee capping between family; reminds you that you are still alive!!
Colonel Houston Dumont (Rattlesnake)