The Coven
The Saviors
of
Mankind
It would appear my readers that another group has begun to surface. Now, before the moronic buffoons of the Demure try to cover this and sugar coat what is going on (who listens to a cease and desist order?!) I will tell you what is actually going on in the background of this. The Coven believes themselves the saviors of the world, yet all they do is pretend they hunt vampires and werewolves. Its laughable really, to think that they truly believe this. It isn’t really a wonder though, look at their lineup? I bet its really a big game Set has setup to trick his family and friends into thinking they are important. Watch out you bunch of coots, I’m on to you!!!!!!! — UCAS Nationalist
Okay, Okay well it’s time that some real information be posted about the Coven seeing the UCAS Loyalists have spewed some very vile information here and well they missed the mark. Seems like there reporters where tossing a Frisbee around the quad instead of going to class.
The Coven are a gathering of like minded individuals that hunt the creatures of the night, the things that lurk in places best left unexplored and forces that the mundane and awakened could never fathom. These brave individuals hunt the insect shamans, toxic shamans, paranormal beings that are of legend and scaly skinned elves that do exist. The as well hunt werewolves, vampires, zombies and ghosts and yes all that is quite real….spend a night in the Bayou and you will understand what evil lurks where good men refuse to travel.
The reason you don’t see these beings is the Coven does a damned good job bringing these evil dead bastards to a final resting place, they role in to an area when called and they simply clean house and leave. They might be messy and they might be uncouth but they get the job done and no one messes with the God Smashers……LOL the Coven. The leader of the pack is Tracy Appleton and his brother Ronald the two men keep the rest inline, though keeping the evil dead fucks inline is another story and yes they are not the cleanest bunch of hunters and yes they leave many areas a disaster area. Though in their defence when they are fighting an enemy that can possess mundane and awakened alike yes some eggs will be broken.
The might blow up buildings by accident, kill the wrong person or even flood an entire town in marshmallow fluff…..yes that happened, but they got the job done and the bad guys where banished and the Coven was victories. Now when it comes to professionalism well don’t look at the Coven, when the most professional member is Set their is an issue, this really is the reject brigade and yet like a dysfunctional family when it’s forth quarter and the teams down by 14 with only two minutes on the clock…..they stop fighting and arguing amongst themselves and get the job done. Sometimes by happenstance and sometimes by planning but one thing is true the Coven always delivers……it is one hell of a show to watch them in action, just don’t stand to close for this is one spectator sport that can get way to messy and the evil dead fucks will make sure all watchers might get a front row seat and the only cure is decapitation.
The Hunters
Of
Evil
Ronald Appleton (Nile): Ah yes, the river of evil deeds. This old bastard should be regarded as one of the most dangerous and vile humans to have sought existence upon this planet. Being the brother to god of Chaos is a sin within itself. To think that he considers himself a savoir is laughable to say the least. What kind of savior has a chainsaw as an arm?!
Now as for Ronald Appleton the second in command of the Coven this man is a comic genius and well a drunk and stoner, he cut his own hand off because it turned evil and that chainsaw is his cyber replacement. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it, though he is also a crack shot with a shotgun and a wiz with the chainsaw so best stay out of his way for Nile will slice and dice and cut off heads and spray blood everywhere…..messy, messy he is but successful and thats what counts. He was named Nile by his brother during a job they had in Egypt and guess what Ronald would end up being dragged by the ankle by a river boat up the Nile while fighting a mummy, yes a mummy….believe me yet.
Tracy Appleton (Set): Ah yes, the bastard himself, Set the god of chaos. This man has reveled in death and destruction for many years. Some rumours say that he even taught Victor Salazar a thing or two back in the day. He has been known to play for both sides, and now he is having fun running after the “wolves” and witches that supposedly harm us all. Look on the bright side though, if he is busy larping then at least we know where this untrustworthy battlefield legend is. Who knows, maybe he will even sprain an ankle and be out of commission for a bit.
This is the leader of the pack and the man in charge of the chaos that follows the Coven, Set himself gathered all the people in this group and trained them to hunt the beasts that best be left forgotten by the masses. Now the master of chaos himself couldn’t predict their popularity and their success rate, though one can say he enjoys the comic antics of the members and even himself when he takes of his suit and picks up the boom stick and goes on the prowl. They say you should never discharge a shotgun near a vat of molten marshmallows……well Set found that out the hard way and turned himself into a Peep as well as most of the town, now that might have been a bad thing, but for the invisible stalkers they where hunting it was worse as the marshmallow turned them into visible beings that where greatly slowed and well Set and company went Peep Hunting.
Marco Rodriguez (Buster): The buster, known to be bitter rivals with Slimer fancies himself the ghost hunter of the team. He “ain’t afraid of no ghost” and has been seen terrorising little Ecto One out and about Seattle. This man even runs a modified plasma rifle that looks like the old weapons of the movies. The “Coven” has truly outdone itself with this one.
Wow they actually got one right…..Buster does wield a proton rifle and as well a boom stick. He s as well one hell of a cook and can make a killer taco, though when he isn’t drinking, eating or smoking weed he is hunting and arguing with his girlfriend Jamie Appleton he is making short work of the dead and their kin. Though even once possessed by the dead and killed by his own girlfriend, Buster here returned from the dead…..yup thats a thing, just ask Agent White though Buffy has them both beat LOL. Buster doesn’t have to worry about crossing the beams, though he did black out an entire town when he lost control of the proton rifle beam and blasted the power station……well at least it was after hours and well we saved them their power bills. The darkness actually helped as the dead we were dealing with just loved the light and would use it’s shadows to fuck us hard……once it was lights out, we had the advantage and they well gut busted.
Jamie Appleton (Slasher): O holy hell what the fuck?! There is a female Appleton? Damnit, I was hoping this line would die out. If it was only guys there might not have been any women dumb enough to let them procreate. I guess we will have to wait for her to die and another generation to not have any women. The slasher is quite the swordswoman, thought she is quite the bitch. She, much like another we all dislike, focuses on slashing a certain area that most avoid. She is a bitch and should go to hell. I hope you die to one of the fake beings this group hunts!!!!
Yup a female Appleton the daughter of Set and girlfriend of Buster is the one and only Slasher, this chick flick killer is one tough bitch and yup she is full of piss and shit jokes and attitude just like all Appletons…she makes her papa proud, no Pylon this ones taken. Okay what can I say about Slasher here other than watch out and stay the hell out of her way, that dagger she wields is hated by the dead fucks and they either target her cause of it or avoid her with a capital A. she can drink…..sensing a trend, when you deal with what the Coven deals with daily you wold drink and smoke daily to decompress, hell we keep Buddy in business. My little princess would make her old man proud when she figured out that if we if we let all the cows loose into the town the dead would not be able to run away from the stampede and there hooves would smash the dead into a pancake. Well what we didn’t count on was that the people would also run and get really upset, well it was an Islamic town in Michigan and the cows where from a neighbouring town….the chaos that ensued was off the charts and I only wish we had it recorded for the U Tubes. Though in true Coven form it worked and didn’t work, the dead would be destroyed but they would possess the cows and than we had to deal with some very mad cows……LOL Mad Cows!! Well some quick rope tricks and boom sticks we had ourselves one hell of a barbecue and Buster made Tacos…..the locals cheered from a distance and than asked us not so nicely to leave and never come back, how rude.
Emerald Meisner (Evil): Really, this name is in the wrong place. The Meisners are ALL evil, they just picked this one in particular to hold the handle for the others. Emerald is believed to be the forbidden love of one of the Applegates (thus her placement on their pastime) and enjoys shooting the supernatural creatures “with the guys”. It is my personal opinion that there is a bit of a love triangle going on, but it has not been confirmed, yet…….
Evil does as Evil Wants and well with Emerald Meisner no body does evil like her, and well nobody kills evil like she does. This is one Meisner I can really get behind…if you catch my drift, okay Set mind out of the gutter well She is hot and didn’t mind banging this old man. We did make a wonderful daughter together. Okay I really should not double up on my medication before attempting to write like responsible person…..I blame you Peaches! My shoulder still hurts and yes Mountains Suck!! Okay I am better and now that I have taken care of business I can get back to writing about Emerald here. She is one hell of a hunter, we both hail from the dark times and we both are old as fuck, so we know a thing or two about evil fucks and the damage they can do to mundane and awakened beings…..real shit show, seriously its like fucking a two dollar whore. If you want a serious member of the squad it’s her and she off sets the rest of our antics, yet she has done a few of her own and when you let the Coven into a museum to bust some evil heads you have to expect the worst and well she figured out that if we trick the dead to posses the dino bones it would be an easy hunt……NOPE!!!!!!!! We had Night at the Museum but we didn’t have Robin Williams to help us out….Nope just Undead Jurassic Park, thanks allot honey real smart T-Rex teeth hurt!!
Bruno Ortiz (Voodoo): Ah, a runner from the Caribbean has entered the fray. Voodoo styles himself and believes himself to be a Voodoo practitioner. The truth is he has no talent and has always come up short to Plymouth (which is saying something to be sure). Long ago he tried being a hero and has an unpleasant encounter with a beast. He lost several limbs to it and (to his chagrin) is thought to have burned out. Otherwise, why wouldn’t he have been seen or active as a witch doctor in decades? Though to be honest, my own opinion is that he never had any true magic to begin with, so he just used this as an excuse to give up. Pitiful to be sure.
Well My, My, My…..it’s voodoo time and the only one of us with a clue, well besides me! Voodoo here is our seer and one hell of one and well as well he always hordes the good stuff…..Shame on you Bruno it’s Puff Puff Pass! He is one of two voodoo casters and this man was taught by the one and only Plymouth though he will deny it seeing what we did in Jamaica the last time we were down there on business. You see who does the Voodoo master call when they have an evil fuck problem….well they call the Coven and pray, not that we will get it done we always do. No they pray that we don’t fuck up to much shit in the process, chaos and bullshit follows us and well like the Harbingers “We Dare to be Stupid” yes Max thats your line shut up were family, I married your aunt Emerald. No one else would have her after he Mayor deflowered her……Bad Set stupid medication! Well what happens when the Coven is fighting Zombie possessed by the evil fucks you call the Coven and we make a mess in the process. Voodoo here used his juju to aid us and well FIRE MAKES FOR PISSED OFF ZOMBIES!!!!
Ruby Davids (Cremate): Ah yes, the Cremate (previously a sea wolf until Ratchet took aware her “w”… just kidding). This young lady actually has a legitimate business. Records show that she has worked with a number of “funeral directors” in helping them to dispose of bodies. She holds a license in Seattle (whatever that means these days…..) and has been used by both the police department and the court system in order to finish the convicts off. In her off days she is seen with this motley crew having the fun that they all enjoy; hunting fictitious monsters. Well, at least there is one legitimate operator here!
Holy Crap they got another one correct well sort of, Ruby here is a mortician and yes she owns a funeral pallor. Well thats how we met she had a dead problem and we were the first group she called for help……MISTAKE!! Lets just say insurance doesn’t have a Coven clause and once we took care of the dead problem, we left her another problem a smoking crater where her business once was. Ruby was so happy with our professionalism she joined up with the Coven and has been with us ever since……or it could be she just wanted to make sure we paid her back, well after a decade or two she has to know by now that the Coven is not responsible for lost, stolen, damaged or destroyed property…..Ha Ha Ha just messing with you Ruby, you are a God Smasher just like the rest of us and you are just as guilty of that explosion as Wrecker is. You said shoot the propane tanks, well you needed to clarify with someone named Wrecker…..he shot the big tank, the dead where well dead and we were a cooked Coven.
Walter Briggs (Wrecker): I haven’t quite figured out what this guys is doing on this page, I believe he has been mislabeled. He belongs over in the president’s men. Paladin, my old buddy, do go ahead and move him for me!
Good Old Walter one of my best friends and someone that will normally take a bad situation and make it worse, like the above funeral home explosion and well hell lets make the dead float y blowing the dam. Or I don’t know lets set a fireworks factory on fire to smoke out the dead……Walter their dead and don’t breath!!! Though the flooding idea was killer, turned out when the waters cleared the dead where stuck in the mud….we warned the people first and evacuated but they didn’t like not having a town to come back to. We were victories and rode off into the sunset with tacos and beers, I wonder why they haven’t paid there bill yet….well maybe I will call a collection agency, nah not worth it. Wrecker old buddy keep blowing shit up cause Set likes big booms!
Trevor Jamestown (Necronomicon): Well hell, at least now we know where the Jamestown’s send their young when they are crazy and don’t want to deal with them. Reports of young Trevor here show that he is a Plymouth wannabee. He got his name from the plastic book he carries around. Using the money of his family he was able to get a Voodoo witch to grant him a few zombies to follow his commands, and now he believes himself the owner of his own horde! He “creates” more by sicking his pets on people, but truly has no skill himself. Since he never even uses a gun, we assume they didn’t even trust him enough to teach him to shoot!
Ah the other voodoo caster of our group and I use voodoo lightly here, I mean the Necronomicon…..hell he helped train his cousin the Necromancer and was as well trained partially by Plymouth……well this one was a long time ago so he will admit to this mistake LOL, just busting your chops Trevor you evil bastard! I just love the antics this guy gets into and how the dead never see him coming. We get them every time with a double edged magical boom trap, or we end up throwing my brother in the Nile and have them chase after the chainsaw man while we shot them with our boom sticks. Though Trevor when dealing with normal people never say well sometimes you need to cut some heads off to figure out the dead from the living…..they don’t like that, their is a reason we are not allowed back to Six Flags. Using a roller coaster as a weapon is frowned on….hell I approve luring the dead onto the tracks was genius to bad some innocent got swept up in your magic, well whats a decapitation between friends most fun I ever had on a job.
Page Actually Written By: You Guessed It Set!!
