Ten Eleven Twelve Fourteen Eleven Demons To Deal With!!
Alright, I gotta stop this before it gets any worse. Updates for each demon will be forthcoming, but we need to delineate them. No FOMO (fear of missing out for you boomers…) here! Hell, even the Top 10 Deadliest and Lethal Liabilities understand that the top 10 are where it is at. I will include an 11th here because while he wasn’t on the main dragon op, he was a part of it by running interference and killing the other ancient dragon simultaneously. The individuals who are friends/work with the demons may be just as deadly (or deadlier), but they are what I will call the “Lost Souls”. They follow and work alongside the demons, but they were not on the op that defined this list. Just as there are many founding fathers who are exceptional, there are only so many who were a part of the Titanic Op or the Judicial Mishap. Thus, there are only the 11 who are credited as Demons to deal with. Before you start whining “What about xxx”, let me be clear. The lost souls is not complete and there are others that belong there. However, I am allowing Asbury to be a full demon due to his shenanigans with these people down in Georgia. He is obviously one of them, and just the one who got the short straw when they knew someone extra would be needed for Davis. That or they have a thing against devils. Would explain why The Pofessor and Mr. Black aren’t members too, but I digress… I know that there are a couple of other runners that were in Georgia, but I’m sorry I don’t see “The Hero of the UCAS” on the same level with these people, so he will be a lost soul. Snapper wasn’t with them on their “hunt” and thus is not a part of this group – though trust me he is seriously terrifying. You can disagree, but this is my list Clockwork so stick to the lost souls!
Alright, time to get down to business before the caffeine starts to fade away. Can’t sleep – not safe. I will do my best to give a quick explanation as to why each person got their name starting with #1 himself, along with anything else I feel like posting. You aren’t my English teacher, so there is no length requirement. Don’t expect and citations. APA, MLA, and Chicago can kiss my ass Mrs. Jones!
Wesley Burns (Multi-Tool) <Demon Slayer>: No better place to start than the man himself, the worst demon that I have ever seen or imagined. Seriously, holy crap. This Mandalorian warrior slings his out of this world combat gear like its candy. He has everything from whistling birds to a jetpack, grenades and guns, hell I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a blaster rifle. Hell, you should probably assume this entire list has any piece of tech from the Star Wars movies. The answer to your real question though, is no that’s not where his name comes from. I call this man multi-tool because most of this list specializes in one thing. For the Jedi (who are generally higher on this list) they can only specialize in Force Lightning. This man? His abilities go far beyond. You need lightning – he’s got you. Need fire – left palm. Too hot out – ice is coming your way. Anything you need this guy has, like a good multi-tool. I would have called him Leatherman, but I don’t want to have him confused with Leatherface. Don’t forget, aside from the elements, he also has all of those other weapons. Fuck, he probably keeps a hydrospanner next to his own multi-tool. Now you know he doesn’t just burn people (or dragons or vampires or werewolfs or rancor for all I know (I think this guy may actually be Boba Fett – read my article about Rivet City()), but he freezes and fries them too.. You know – for when you like to cook on the fly.
Alvin Webster (Stomper): Onto one of the most terrifying people I have ever seen (both in-person and in footage). Now, I know I’m a civie but holy crap this guy has me scared. He is not only a Sith Lord (I can’t describe how terrifying force lightning truly is), but he doesn’t even need his powers in the force to be unstompable. Unlike the best-known Sith Lord below he is also a Mandalorian! The armor – the jetpack – the bad temper – it’s all there! I mean, fuck dude, when a dragon needed to be staked (still don’t understand how that works) instead of using his hammer or the force he just fucking stomped it into the thing! Yes – that’s why I called him stomper. That’s one boot you do not want to be on the receiving end of. Seriously – don’t tread on me!
Wilhuff Palpatine (Darth Miasma) <Demon Slayer>: Alright, so if Multi-Tool is the personification of having the right answer to everything, then Darth Miasma here is the personification of doubling down on only one thing, but doing it frighteningly well. It should be no surprise to anyone that the leader of the President’s Men is probably the most powerful lightsaber user, but did you know he can simultaneously use 7! And in what looks like different styles too – talk about terrifying. Worse, this dream master “Sleep Death” can combine what must be the miasma of the dreams that comes from his eye into his lightning. Also, it is very apparent that he and his close friend Zapper have some sort of “beyond” force lightning (for a brief movement so did another of these people, but I will get to him later). When this man casts his lightning even his friends scatter. Hell, it was almost enough to take out one of the elder dragons by itself. The guy below may be called Zapper due to his proficiency, but only because this one already has a Sith name. Guess that also makes sense out of where his mind control powers come from. Seriously though, the fact that Sith and Jedi are real is terrifying – not to mention some of the other stuff I have seen. When this guy takes to the battlefield, just run. Hell, all of these people are terrifying – seriously just run and hope you aren’t on their list.
Dover Barton (Zapper):Another day, another Sith. Man, fuck my life that this is a real thing. This guy is fucking terrifying. The fact that he is only number 4 on this list should have you worried. Wanna know what’s worse than a lightsaber-wielding lightning master? Someone who can do all that AND is a fucking dragon! If he gets tired of lightning he can just breathe on you! Seriously, this guy is like the twin of #3, and he is only behind him and #2 cause he didn’t do much shining. In a fight, I’m not sure who I would bet on – and for the sake of this world let’s not find out. I call him zapper because that, alongside taking a hit for a weaker member, was most of what he did in this battle. He has the same lightning as his twin Willhuff (no surprise), and from the footage we have seen on the news he is just as deadly with the blade, if not more so. This guy, alongside the next one held an ancient dragon in place with nothing more than extended fingers. Yeah, needless to say I will be keeping out of his way. How to deal with the Zapper – drop a box of donuts and hope he gets distracted. Otherwise you are both dead, and probably lunch. Remember, it isn’t cannibalism for dragons…
Montgomery Palpatine (Hatchetman)<Demon Slayer>: Well how rare, the Pale Rider isn’t tied for first on a list. Before any bullshit starts, please be aware this is not a statement of him being incapable, more so a statement on how monstrous all of the people on this list are. When that hatchet glows, holy fuck get out of the way. I used to think that thing might be a gimmick, but given it was his weapon of choice repeatedly against all of these insane opponents I’m starting to think it’s his specialty weapon. Of course, if I were these guys I would choose the lightsaber, but only a few seem to. Guess that weapon is a bit overhyped. Hard to think a powerful futuristic weapon is beaten by a harpoon gun. Anyway, this guy didn’t get to shine his best in this battle seeing as he mostly got frozen and shot out lightning. Yup, that’s another Sith. I think this one is either just a warrior or apprentice like his brother and nephew since they don’t seem to have total control over the really really nasty-looking lightning (yes – I now have the displeasure of knowing there are different levels of lightning). I don’t know what to say about the Pale Rider. On one hand, he is a vampire-fighting ghost-catching lightsaber-wielding badass, but on the other hand, he is hiding everything that is really going on. I want to know what the UCAS is keeping us safe from. If more people knew they would help. At least I know the next time I’m at church I will put some extra cash in the kitty and grab some holy water.
Charles Palpatine (Found)<Demon Slayer>: Now onto the legendary cleaner, eraser, and – wait for it – president. This is the one that Clockwork has asked a lot of questions about. Man, I wish I could post the footage. I call him “Found” because every time the going gets tough I lose sight of him, and then all of the sudden when something is about to happen boom – Found is there with the save. It happened first with the trench knife when his nephew was about to be strangled by his own wired reflexes (I thought the rumors about Ripley were an exaggeration – this dragon proved they likely weren’t) and then again when Solomon was about to gut Hatchetman and Ghostbuster. It was like he was needed and there, then tossed and gone only to show up in a nick of time. If I didn’t know this was real life I would have thought there was a screenplay written. Seriously, that is how well these people work together. The A-Team could learn more than a few things from these guys and their friends. All I can say is holy shit do I not want to find Found at the wrong time. Though I think this fight proved he is not invincible, but hell he isn’t all that far off either. Stay away – anyone who likes their trench knife better than a saber is beyond deadly in my book. Seems like there is a sect of President’s Men who have come to believe the lightsaber is overrated. This man, along with his brother and nephew seem to be the only three that I can find so far – and you would think Jedi (dark or light) would only ever need their lightsaber and maybe a blaster pistol…
Maximillian Yates (Stumpy)<Demon Slayer>: The last of the Jedi (that I know of) is the sith warrior Stumpy. Like Found and Hatchetman his lightning is not “fully-developed” into the nastiest form – though it was achieved for a moment right at the end of the battle so maybe this is an apprentice (very not sure). I suppose that leaves the question as which one is really his master/lord (please for all that is holy don’t let there be some guy named “Sheev” in their family we haven’t found). Sorry, but the idea of Jedi/Sith in the government is still fucking with my head. From what we know that didn’t exactly end well in the stories. If you are wondering why he is called Stumpy, well, that’s an easy one. This crazy son of a bitch went to stick a nozzle device into an ancient dragon. He succeeded (albeit with a lot of help) but then refused to let go. Well, most of his body went where the dragon tossed him, but his hands stayed behind… Ouch! Though don’t be fooled, like all of these crazy bastards since he was still breathing he continued fighting. Apparently the lightsaber gauntlet is real cause he ignited it and went on to continue supporting his fellow warriors. Like most not a ton of shining occurred, but like Ghostbuster if they were here they are terrifying, and this one doesn’t even need someone to give him a hand in order for him to help slay a dragon and imprison another. Like all on this page, just run the fuck away. President’s Men/Sith confirmed (is that entire order Sith? OH GOD!!!!).
Bailey Georgetown (Rocket Man): Rocket Man here was an easy one – he gave himself the name. Given how I saw him, I can say that I’m not sure how he was fighting when he should probably have been in traction. Man, I should have known Mortal Kombat was real when that vampire exploded into WAY too much guts. I don’t have a lot to say about Rocket Man, he was one of the many that spent most of his time helping and getting wrecked. I can say this tough old bastard more than knows how to take a hit. He has the same jetpack as Burnsy, and he also has a few secondary arms that come out of his backpack (must be where the name Inspector gadget comes from). I’m sure this Mandalorian warrior can kick some serious ass, but unfortunately, as I mentioned on many others this was a battle where most of them were taking hits to outlast the dragons and not a hell of a lot of fighting back for those on the first wave. This marine was more than ready to be on the first wave (already showing his bravery) and even though he was beaten badly in that volley he continued to get up and help his comrades. These guys are all insane and truly demons.
Baldwin English (Ghostbuster): Ah yes, the Ghostbuster. If you were looking for a great example of the front line getting hurt this man is the poster boy. Right in the beginning he and Hatchetman charged the second dragon and nearly got wiped out, but damn neither gave up. Initially, it was looking like Ghostbuster here was about as useful as good ol’ Stumpy, but he had a surprise. At the last moment as Hypothermia was about to escape he pulled out a handheld neutrino wand and blew the dragon up into a million pieces. He also started with the first of those nozzle things, so you can be sure he had every intention of engaging the beasts directly. If this were a video game man, he would have leveled up like 2 times from that kill! This guy was in Georgia too, so you can be sure that he is a total badass. Hell, the fact that he can tank most of a draconic breath already gives me watery poopies man. That shit should be an instakill like in the final dungeon! One thing I can say, which is surprising when it comes to this group, is that I think he might be a normal human. Not a Jedi and doesn’t appear to be a Mandalorian. Turns out there is hope! Us normies can survive in this shit too!
Rusty Palpatine (Milkbone): Alright, now I know what you are thinking, but yes I think this is where Milkbone belongs. Is he an absolute monster and legend? Oh hell yes. So why is he down here? Well, first things first you could argue that he belongs below since he wasn’t on the main dragon op, but I think this is more of a case that they needed coverage for Davis. Let me say this – oh he gave coverage alright. Unlike in the first op, this one he had plenty of time to shine, and holy crap I never thought someone so dark and nasty would be as bright as the sun. From yanking out hearts to injections that make him move like the Gargoyle this guy is beyond lethal. We can now confirm he is a Jamestown seeing as he curves his bullets like a pro. All I can say is don’t piss this one off. Now I know what you are thinking here too – and yes the name Milkbone is appropriate. I guess the creatures he deals with have a penchant for biting his arm since every video I have of him has it getting bitten at least once. His catchphrase seems to be “that is not a milk-bone”, but his enemies seem to think he is just one big treat – thus the name. And no, I don’t know what they are thinking. No part of Milkbone looks tasty or like a treat, but then again I’m human so….
Patrick O’Reilly (Welder): The Welder himself – not gonna lie I didn’t expect to see this guy with them! He was a late add on, but man if this were a tv show he would have been the superhero that arrived in the nick of time. He popped out of seemingly nowhere with this big ass welder and started nuking the shit out of Devil. Then he started getting zapped by crossover lightning, but he just gritted his teeth and took it (to be fair, he only got some of it – the dragon took the brunt thank god for him). He may have been late, but man he is still terrifying. The guy doesn’t stop no matter what and as I have seen him in more battles he is still just as terrifying. Though this is at least one politician I can get behind. He runs Rebel City, but doesn’t put on a facade as to who he is. He is a WYSIWYG, and I’m a fan for it. Keep welding those fuckers together – you found my favorite of the bunch. Silver Sword approved!
The Lost Souls
Addison Mayweather (Grassy)<Demon Slayer>: (Whomever is working on this page read my article on this beast and put him in this roster).
Alright, so let’s get to the first of Clockwork’s favorites, the Lost Souls. If you were looking for someone of a quality to play with the Demons themselves then this is a perfect person to start with. Holy fucking shit is this one scary goddamned reporter. He’s worse than Georgie when his usual targets coordinate a sick day at school to avoid the bullying. Though unlike Georgie, this guy can backup his fists very effectively. If you piss him off you can be sure it will be short lived as some part of your anatomy is coming out. Mrs. Smythe could use him in our class to work on Biology – he can just put it on display! That or he punches someone and they vibrate and blow the fuck up! Seriously, I saw footage of him and one of the demons punching a giant wasp spirit looking thing and it vibrated and exploded! I swear the X-Men must all be related cause they have very similar powers (except for Multi-Tool, do not fuck with Multi-Tool). As with the Demons – just run the fuck away. You heard it here, and from one of the nerds no less. Do not skip gym class!
Arthur Swanson (Heartbreaker): (Hey Silver Sword….check out that video I sent you and place him in this list accordingly).
Well now, here is a surprise. One of the nicest Englishmen if you listen to the website. A schoolteacher turned wastelander (or wasteland outlaw as they are called now) who joined a do-gooder team called the Tribe. Ever heard of them? They have at least one more member who will hit this page eventually. You see, they are supposedly the nice “clean up the city” team. Yet one of their “non-combat” members is this guy!@#$%^&* Seriously, we saw him on video rip someone’s skeleton out of their flesh! It was at one of our guildmate’s houses (yes – these assholes are hunting us teenagers. HELP!!!!). Don’t worry though, he doesn’t just collect skeletons. He likes organs too – seems almost everyone on this list is a big fan of anticuchos. Except if that’s what you like, then why do you leave them behind?! Not to mention I may be no master of anatomy, but some of those things look very NOT humanoid. As in, not human or meta-human. Seriously, what are those many teethed dagger armed things?! Well, whatever they are I will give them the same policy as this guy. Stay the hell away!!!!!!!!!!
Wendell Flanigan (Candyman): (Hey Silver Sword….check out that video I sent you and place him in this list accordingly)
Well fuck. Ya know, my buddy Splatterball had mentioned he knew this one through his dad. He swore up and down it had to be bullshit since he knew, as he put it, “kind old Judge Flannigan” since he was a little kid. Well, given that he has now up and vanished I sincerely doubt that he was right. Man, we were about to raid the final dungeon with Father Elijah (fucking DLC takes too long – they can make a full feature star wars movie in 3 days but it takes months for DLC, what the fuck?!) and then all of the sudden we caught the Snapper and someone else on cams in his room. Now he’s just gone. Offline, not answering his phone, and from the footage we saw of mortal fucking kombat he is likely dead by now. Oh god, they really are rounding us all up. *bzzzz*, oh its my phone. Yeah A and R, I’ll be right there. I saw what happened to Splatter, see you at the diner. Fuck this shit, I gotta run before I get ganked too. Where are those pills from….. *signal cut*
Maxwell Irving (Caps)<Demon Slayer>: Alright, this page finally became unlocked – don’t know where this “Silver Sword” went, but at least he is out of the way. Fucking teenagers think they know everything. Now, I’m not sure why they call this guy “Caps” cause this is beyond obvious – this is the Shadow! There are some strange ass reports on the net about him being this #17, but to that, I say anyone who thinks this original is just a courier must be fucking nuts. Like all members of the Pack there is not operation he cannot do (he has probably already done it). This list is all kinds of screwed up since members of the Pack belong at the top of whatever they are mentioned in – its where they sit. Fuck you Shadow and all the poeple you have killed. Now that we know you have a daughter we will find and kill her, and then you. We can’t seem to stop some family lines, but yours is small enough that it can be snuffed out. We are coming for you, so keep your neck clean and stick your shuriken up your ass.
Agent Dover D Barton Jr. (Law Dog, Biscuit, Tic-Tac, MIB) <Demon Slayer>: I guess in hindsight we shouldn’t be surprised about this crazy motherfucker. As a former leader of the Harbingers he was already a lost soul to begin with. Now we know just how far he follows his fellow team-mates. I thought it was odd that he was left off the original list despite being a part of the “KILL DAVIS” operation. I guess Silver Sword figured he was a normie and there to simply distract his grandpappy. Well, this is definitely not the case. Go take a look at my post under the news – holy hell this guy is nuts. I don’t know what kind of magic he wields, but it stops demon fire flat. His ice breath (thought he was known fire too didn’t ya) overtook the Balrog and in my book that makes him a certified demon slayer with the rest of them. This guy may pretend to be one of the good guys, but be warned he has a real nasty case of halitosis if you are not a friend. Seriously, run the fuck away. Nothing more and nothing less. I’m starting to think all of the Harbingers (especially the early ones) are just wolves in sheep’s clothing. No matter how nice or harmless they appear, they are beyond lethal. I need to go take some tums now. The only cop I actually liked kills demons on the side…
Dr. Kyle “Dray” Finesilver MD (Tails & Kindergarten) <Demon Slayer>: Well now, here is a surprise. I knew that there had to be more to this doctor than meets the eye (look at his last name!), but holy crap did I find more than I bargained for. I don’t know what scares me more – the fact that this guy can cast and keep up with a Balrog in our plane, or the fact that the old D&D books are real and he can cast and keep up with a Balrog in its plane! Either way we have an archmage on the streets who can bend fire like the fucking Avatar and outcast ancient beings from what I assume is hell. I don’t know why they didn’t bring him on the operations earlier but seriously run the fuck away. On second thought maybe they thought he would be too powerful and remove the challenge (crazy Mando logic). When the Shadow (more literally than I knew) is getting thrown around like a ragdoll and this guy is keeping pace with the being doing the throwing that means I run. Seriously, run away. Don’t think, just run away. That is unless you are at the clinic at the Waterways… Wait a minute… All of these people hang out at the Waterways. Well, I guess I know where the X-Men’s secret base is – go get a pic before it changes. I need to hit my parent’s alcohol stash – fuck my life.