Q-Bert

Membership: Kingsmen/London Dungeon/Santa-Fe/Presidents Men

Race: Human

Height: 5’6

Weight: 150

Apparent Age: 70+

Archetype: Unknown (Cyber Criminal)

Preferred Weapon: ???

Runner Song: They call him Q-Bert and they call him the Umbrella Man for this is another of the Wasteland Outlaw, for Q-Bert is a courier and he carries the Number 27 on his back. So why are we discussing some elder in a brown suit and concerning ourselves with this old timer, well it seems these outlaws are preparing for something big and this man is all the proof our contacts need. So basically seeing we have been left in the lurch by the Ancient Dragons and Mary Sue…..not to mention that old creepy bastard in a bad suit, we have been granted the honour of being contacted by Father Bastion and Father Elishia. Our new contacts seem far more sturdy and are willing to engage these bastards instead of living on fear of the Pale Rider, Invincible One, Jersey Devil and Edison instead of cowering our new contacts have reached out to warn us of these Couriers and their intended actions.

It seems that Q-Bert here is a serious gambler and one that has rolled the dice of life numerous times as he has thrust himself directly into the courier’s war and decided to reclaim his retired number and return from the depths of hell for round two. According to the information provided by Bastion this man would learn of the destruction of the Lucky 38…….wait that bar is still standing, not sure what he’s talking about, sorry I digress. Well back to the information, this man was living within a wasteland settlement called “Neon City” where he was acting as the Mayor for sometime after giving up the life as a courier. Q-Bert wandered the wastes from coast to coast and even made his presence felt up within Anchorage to bring forth an end to a large BOS & Enclave outpost within the cities limits.

Okay this is sounding off as the only thing within Anchorage is ice, snow and well nothing…….but I guess this BOS and Enclave have taken up residence within the frozen Alaskan city and they don’t like this man one bit. They state that many years ago Q-Bert, Caps, Defrag, Eddie and Blarney would use the “Frozen Passage” to invade the city limits, breach the Enclave outpost and bring forth total destruction…..they would strike with speed and precision destroying all the cyber guards, virtual chairs and simulation devices within the frozen wasteland of Alaska. The BOS would as well feel the wrath of this unholy union as they would loose supplies, technology and manpower at the hands of these Wasteland Outlaws. To the point that Father Bastion and Elishia would decree these couriers desperadoes and communists, they would spend countless resources hunting them down and each time fail to capture them; even though these relics of the Old World were wielding ballistic weapons they would simply gun down members of the BOS Paladin division with slug throwing relics.

Father Bastion would state that if it wasn’t for these bastards the BOS would have seized control over the nation and brought an end to any rebellion before it started, well it seems that we have these couriers to blame for the Patriots and the current state of affairs and now they wish to start yet another war. They are coming out of the woodwork once more and taking up arms once again, according to both Bastion and Elishia if they are allowed to mobilize they will simply become an unstoppable force under the command of General Maxwell Irving of the Hopeville Military Industrial Complex and General Montgomery Palpatine of the Federation. They state that it would be these men that would raid the Big Mountain Science Dome and send the Enclave and Institute back to the stone age…….they didn’t forget about Guinness, Grassy, Happy Trails, and I-80 that fought in the against the Enclave as well inside the Big Mountain Science Dome.

Now this is all fine and dandy but I have no way to verify any of this seeing I have never heard of the Big Mountain Science Dome, The Anchorage Facility, BOS, Enclave, Institute and Neon City…..so seriously how dangerous can any of these outdated relics be. So I will simply report on what I know about Q-Bert and what he has done that I can verify, ok so this was a bit tougher than I thought as it seems the matrix doesn’t contain much on this old timer besides his Federal Immortality Project (FIP) records stating that he was injected in 1850 and served till being discharged for grave injuries in 2015 during the War in Iraq. I can locate that he is a Grandmaster Kingsmen, member of the Presidents Men in good standing, part of the London Dungeon and a Crystal Dragon; it says here he is one of the original Royal Assassins…..okay so he is an ancient and one of the members of the Hawaiian Presidential Detail and rebel officer during the Hawaiian Peoples Uprising and served as a guard of President Charles Palpatine aka Charles Butler.

He is fully trained in all forms of combat and wields some unique and special talents that seem to be unique to these Wasteland Outlaws, he serves as a Major within the Colonial Marines and works within the Ark…..again I have no idea what that is. He is supposedly part of the Shadow Order within the Presidents Men and worked aboard the Nevermore during the days of old having as a Harpooner and as well serving on the Blue Claw where his harpoon skills where honed. So with what I am learning about Q-Bert I can state that this is terror inducing, he works alongside the men that were able to silence our original contacts and that means he must be good…..though it also means he will be an easy target seeing he needs his prescriptions in order to move, unless he is a junkie like the Pale Rider, but I will have to further research to determine if he is a junkie or simply an addict of his prescriptions.

As for the Cyber Criminal part, I am totally unsure what that means? I was simply given the new tag to put on certain profiles, this is not from the UCAS government but given to me by some creepy old dude that reached out to me through my direct messaging system stating that it is a new legal definition being used by a deep cover government agency. This man’s real identity is unknown as it seems that he has been able to avoid capture and detection seeing this is the only photo I have been able to confirm is of Q-Bert. Though from a few accounts and one from our contact legion this man being called Umbrella Man is due to him never being without his trusty umbrella and having blended his combat prowess with his trusty fashion accessory including concealing his sword within the handle just like the groups leader Father Segal, though his comes with a nasty surprise as his conceals a nasty little surprise in the tip that allows him to inject a small waxen ball of death into his targets with a simple touch and it’s “Goodnight Gracie” as the toxin slowly works itself through the bloodstream destroying the veins and killing the white blood cells till it lodges itself within the lungs and unleashes hell upon the target.

The umbrella itself is weaved with mono wire and a fine Kevlar weave that can deactivate the signature weapons of the Free Bird Elite Red Guard, not to mention inflict some serious damage if used in battle and he does incorporate the opening and closing of the umbrella within his fighting styles…..it is also stated that he conceals a fire arm within the damned thing as well, something that screams “Secret Agent Man” and just like Chronic Q-Bert has all the known boxes checked off and few others that we are just learning about. Not knowing his surname is frustrating as he could be family with the other pains in the ass and we just don’t know, we don’t know if Q-Bert has any children and we don’t know a damn thing about this man except that Fathers Elishia and Bastion are weary of him but not scared of him……though they did state that unless you have the numbers advantage and they emphasize at least 20 to one odds don’t engage and don’t approach as he can take down any other odds with ease…….for crying out loud they state that he punched through the neck plating of the paladins T5 armor and tore the head off by ripping out the intact spinal coelom as the head came along for the ride, he also tore out the rib cage of one of there agents along with the front plate of the T5 armor; okay that’s terrifying but unrealistic as one can’t simply tear out a ribcage let alone through armor……don’t get me started on the head and spine thing.

Well I have been online to long and I don’t want to invoke the ire of any of the rebellion hackers let alone “Black Death” so I will be logging off and switching locations for the next one, come at me rebels, I am Demure and I will outwit, outlast, and outplay you all…..for I will survive and continue to publish the truth about you fuckers.

Long Live the Demure!!